Youths can be unnecessarily cruel. Just ask any substitute teacher if you don’t believe me. It is because of this cruelty that I, as a young man, was faced with extreme scrutiny for my name. The most common question I get is, “Is your name actually Harold Dicken Balsic? What was that like growing up?” Given the interest in the matter, it seems fitting to write about this.
The name Harold for a person born in the year of 1999 was incredibly rare. In fact, according to the United States Social Security Administration, I was only one of 413 American children born of the name that year. Compare that to the 35,371 Jacobs, 33,901 Michaels, and 30,461 Matthews, and you can see just how strange it was for the time.
The name Harold peaked in popularity in 1924, being the 13th most common name. It is because of this that the children in school would often call me an undercover ninety-year-old pedophile. They’d often ask me things like “Hey, Harry! How did your family fare during the Great Depression?” or “How was fighting in World War I? Did you lose your best friend in trench warfare?”
Unfortunately, the teasing was not limited to historical tidbits. Pop culture made sure the children had plenty of material for our conversations. My peers would often run up to me shouting “You’re a wizard, Harry!” or ask “Yo Harold, do you have your magic crayon with you?”
As for my middle name, Dicken, my peers would often stop me in the hallways of my elementary school and ask, “Harold Dickens! What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be writing novels in which you use the N-word, hard R, 219 times?”
“That’s not even Charles Dickens!” I’d argue, holding back tears. “That was Mark Twain!”
“Oh,” my bullies would reply, scratching their heads. “Who’s Charles Dickens, then?”
“The guy who wrote Oliver Twist.” I’d answer.
“Ha! Harold knows about 19th-century British literature!” they’d shout, drawing a crowd. “What a nerd!” Then they’d push me into a locker and leave me there for the entirety of the school day.
As for my last name, Balsic, well, it’s origins are rooted in feudalism. Balsic is derived from the Balkan Balšić, tied to the direct lineage of the Balšići dynasty, a group of savage medieval warlords, whose atrocities painted most of the Western Balkans red with the blood of their enemies.
It is due to this lineage that my peers would often announce “Oh look out! Balsic’s in the cafeteria! Better give him whatever table he wants or he’ll behead you and claim it for the Queen!”
“My name is Slavic!” I’d cry. “My ancestors mainly occupied modern-day Montenegro!”
“Woah, Dicken!” they’d gasp. “Now you’ve said the N- word 220 times!”
“I didn’t say the N- word!” I’d plead. “It’s the name of a country on the Balkan Peninsula!”
“Ha! You know Southeastern European geography?” they’d laugh, knocking me to the ground. “What a nerd.”
Yes, growing up with the name Harold Dicken Balsic certainly presented several challenges. But it’s through these hardships that I became the man I am today, and for that, I’m grateful.
